Tuesday, June 30, 2009

When did my world get so small?

Lots of interesting things get jostled around in my head while I'm running, I've found. Today I was thinking about a painting I was working on last night. I studied painting in undergraduate school. Back then I made huge canvasses, one so large that I had to take the door off my apartment to get it into school for a grade (probably should have thought that through before building the frame INSIDE the house).

The painting I was working on last night is the second that I've done this year and both have been tiny, 5 X 8 pieces. I can't remember when I stopped painting, I guess it's like a lot of things, they just peter off gradually until you can't remember a time when you did them.

I realized, while I was running, that in my unhappy marriage I was getting smaller and smaller. Not literally of course, in fact before the divorce I was huge. I guess I made up in my body weight what I was losing in my soul. But I had become unsure, hesitant, dependent and cautious.

So, back to running, accomplishing this goal is like starting on the tiny canvasses. A few months ago I would never have imagined I could even run a complete mile. Today's 2.25 is no marathon, and the paintings are no mural, but I think they're the doorway back to my big, wonderful world.

1 comment:

  1. Welcome back to the big, wonderful world. It is a much richer place for having you in it. (Oh and remind me to tell you my story that goes with your story about not being able to get the canvas out of your apartment.)